1 Nephi 20

(Insert joke about how hard it is to understand the Isaiah chapters here)

I like Isaiah. I like to think about what he's thinking right now, watching people agonize over all his weird imagery. Do you think he's flattered, or annoyed? Maybe he was just crazy and thought his writing made perfect sense. Or maybe he fancied himself an early James Joyce. A really early James Joyce.

yes this is the start of the Isaiah chapters so buckle up kiddos yes

In typical Old Testament fashion, the speaker (God? Yes?) points out that He chose Israel, and revealed all His special secrets to them, and yet they were still stubborn and wicked and worshipped idols. If you read the Old Testament, it feels like those cats did nothing BUT worship idols. How did they have time for repenting or sacrificing small animals or building temples out of tents?

God also chastises them for being hypocritical and bad missionaries. At least that's what I got out of this verse:

6Thou hast seen and heard all this; and will ye not declare them? And that I have showed thee new things from this time, even hidden things, and thou didst not know them.

I'm assuming the latter "know" means "to recognize." God goes on to say that He knew Israel would be a failure from the beginning, which isn't very heartening, but He plans to let them survive so that others will know He can save people from affliction, even if they don't super deserve it.

There's a phrase in here I really like. At the start of verse 16, He says, "Come ye near unto me, I have not spoken in secret." I like how inclusive that sounds. It's a completely different tone from the rest of the chapter. It reminds me of a parent fiercely disciplining a child, then hugging him/her. Not that I approve of that strategy. But if my kid were as naughty as Israel, I would consider it.

The final sentence is a bit ominous: There is no peace unto the wicked. That makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of wicked people can have fun, and enjoy life. But they probably never feel particularly at peace. I'm talking real wickedness here. Not the perceived wickedness of, say, abandoning your scripture study blog for almost a year.

An interesting article or two.

This article by Alan Wolfe, to be perfectly honest, stung a tiny bit, but compared to the stuff Slate.com published when Mitt Romney was all over the news in 2006 or so, it's positively harmless.

When Romney was toying with the idea of running for president a few years before the 2008 election, Jacob Weisberg wrote an article in which he opined that a Mormon could never be President of the United States and described Joseph Smith as an "obvious con man." At the time, Slate was my favorite news source and was quickly becoming my favorite website, but that article hurt my feelings so much I stopped reading it until fairly recently.

This past week, Slate has published a review of Grant Hardy's Understanding the Book of Mormon in addition to a commentary on the lack of good Mormon writers, and a photo slideshow that mostly depicts rehearsals for the Hill Cumorah Pageant.

I'm not sure why Slate is giving the Mormons a featured spot recently, but I very much appreciate the respectful tone Mr. Wolfe used when writing about Mr Hardy's book. Neither men are Mormon, but both had given the Book of Mormon a chance by reading it. It sounds like Hardy has studied the Book extensively, seeing as Understanding The Book of Mormon is meant to be an apologetic defense of its literary merit. I would be curious to know what portions of the Book of Mormon Wolfe read for this review, or if he read the whole thing. It sounded like he didn't enjoy the book very much, so I'm going to assume that he skipped at least 2 Nephi. Even Mormons skip those chapters a lot of the time.

Anyway, I was disappointed that the reviewer didn't see the same simple grace in the Book of Mormon that I see, or any of the humor. I really do love the Book of Mormon, but I can't fault too much those that find parts of it dry. I find lots of religious works dry. It did make me sad that Wolfe said he couldn't see any of the beauty that is found in lots of chapters in the Book of Mormon (He wrote, "The Book of Mormon has a structure. It does not sing.") I am curious if he read the Psalm of Nephi? Alma 32? The parable of the olive trees? Who knows if he did, but I honestly believe that parts of the Book of Mormon are just as elegant as the Bible, if not more so.

I doubt Hardy's book or Wolfe's review of it will convince very many people to read the Book of Mormon or keep the truly curious from giving it a try. What really makes me happy is how civil the whole thing was, really. I like to see intelligent Mormons and non-Mormons approaching Mormon culture and theology with tact and insight. Bravo, guys.

1 Nephi 18

I always laugh a little bit at attempts by LDS artists to paint or sculpt things like the Liahona or Nephi's boat or Moroni's breastplate. I mean, if something is described as being of "curious workmanship," it's probably way different than anything an ordinary mortal could conjure up, right? It doesn't bother me or anything like that, because I like to see all the various interpretations of a single religio-historical* concept, but sometimes I worry that my kids who will be raised in the Church instead of converting when they're older will put too much stock in those shiny, beefy Stripling Warriors and blue-eyed Captain Moroni. And that tiger-print rug? Really?

Anyway, so Laman and Lemuel, temporarily cowed into righteousness, help Nephi finish the boat, and all he says about it is that it is of "curious workmanship." I am excited to die so I can see what it actually looked like, because it was nice enough to impress the notorious cynics into righteousness, even the aforementioned L&L.

They load up the boats with fruit, honey and seeds (which truly sounds like the best diet ever ... jealous) and set sail for the Promised Land. After what sounds to be a few weeks after they begin their journey, Laman, Lemuel, and the sons of Ishmael, who seem to be pretty easily influenced for good or ill, started, and I quote:

to make themselves merry, insomuch that they began to dance, and to sing, and to speak with much ^brudeness, yea, even that they did forget by what power they had been brought thither; yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness. (1 Nephi 18:9)

I should mention that the wives of the previously mentioned bad boys were also partaking in this sinful display of wantonness. Again, I wish I wish I could see what Nephi is talking about, because as you and I both know, there is nothing inherently wrong with dancing and singing. The song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, praise the Lord with music and with dancing, et al. But apparently their dancing and singing was sexual, perhaps, or otherwise rude? It couldn't just be that they were teasing each other or joking around. Nephi was kind of a wet blanket, but he couldn't have been that stiff.

I wish with all my heart that I still had access to the OED via BYU's library system, but I graduated a few months ago, so I don't. However, I noticed that some far inferior but still acceptable dictionaries define "rude" as "natural or unprocessed, as in rude wool or rude sugar" or "crude." Perhaps they were acting in accordance with the natural man, or being really really irreverent? That is the kind of thing that might piss God off.

This is something that I think about a lot. I truly believe that God has a sense of humor. A lot of other Mormons don't seem to. This past weekend when I was visiting my friend's family in Utah, his dad, who is a Seminary teacher and generally upstanding fella, said a prayer over our meal and, when the microwave went off in the middle of it, apologized to God about the noise while the rest of us giggled. I frequently make jokes or sarcastic remarks in my prayers, so maybe I am just trying to justify my way down to Hell. But I really think humor in its time and place makes God's job a little bit easier.

While I was a missionary, I had a pink study journal in which I kept track of all the instances in the scriptures that I had found which proved that God has a sense of humor. Of course, most of them were from the Old Testament. And then, darn it all, I lost that notebook on a bus.

I choose not to view that as some sort of sign.

So anyway, the vast majority of the passengers on the boat start acting bad, and Nephi, of course, tries to warn them of the potential negative consequences of their actions. But naturally, they don't listen, and even pull the whole "Why should we listen to YOU? We're OLDER" card which I imagine they had pulled countless other times as well. They even tied him up and roughed him up a little bit. This is when the Liahona stops working.

As if that weren't enough of a sign, God sends a big monster storm to toss the boat around a bit, and that plus no working compass eventually scares L&L and their cohorts into submission. However, it takes a while. Four days. Nobody ever said bad guys were masters of logic.

Finally, they release their brother from his bands, and his hands and feet are extremely sore and swollen. Nephi feels the need to point out that:

Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did ^apraise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions. (1 Nephi 18:16)

Good for him.

Earlier, I was kind of wondering, so where are the parents in this scenario? Did they even attempt to quell the storms of sibling discord at any point? The answer is yes, using their words, but L&L ignored them to the point that they were sick with worry and practically died. This coupled with Nephi being tied up for four days made the more compassionate boat passengers very sad. Especially Mrs. Nephi, poor child. And his ... children? The timing of this chapter can get confusing sometimes, but apparently Nephi took an occasional break from ship-building to conceive some children. I think it's funny that their mention is so incidental.

Anyway, once Nephi recovers, the Liahona starts working again, Nephi prays the storm into oblivion, and they sail off into the sunset. Then, an indeterminate time period later, during which nothing of consequence happened, apparently, they ARRIVE IN THE PROMISED LAND YAY.

They pitch their tents, plant some seeds, do some mining, take stock of the local game. You know, the usual.

The End

This chapter starts out a lot stronger than it finishes, frankly.

I am counting on God having a sense of humor right now. Enough of one to see that my snarkiness is all in good fun. I love the Book of Mormon.

*Yeah, I know that's not a word. I made it up.

1 Nephi 17

Let's open the discussion of this chapter with a question about feminism, shall we?

I have read the Book of Mormon (1 Nephi in particular) quite a few times, and I have yet to decide if this scripture is meant to be flattering or sarcastic.

2 And so great were the ^ablessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon ^braw ^cmeat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings. (1 Nephi 17:2)

On the one hand, it's actually pretty cool that in 591-592 BC, there were women hardcore enough to warrant that kind of praise from a man. There are very few historical records from this time period that refer to women as "strong," I would wager. And yet, "they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings"? Seriously? EVERYBODY in the family murmured at some point (Except for Nephi, by his record, but maybe he just left that out?), why are we suddenly picking on the women? Granted, if they were farmers back in Jerusalem, the men would have had more experience with physical labor than the women, but they weren't farmers, were they? Nephi implies that they were wealthy, wealthy enough to have lots of precious things, and their casual acceptance of Zoram as a servant implies that they had servants, too. Sheesh. Men think they are so tough. And that's all I have to say about that.

That rant aside, I like the scripture that follows, which testifies that when we are obedient, God strengthens us and makes it possible for us to accomplish whatever needs to be done. I like that. I think it's true.

Next, they arrive at the ocean resort town of Bountiful, a land flowing with milk and honey, so to speak. After eight years of camping, I can't imagine how thrilling it would be to arrive somewhere with fruit trees. They must have been ecstatic. I imagine they must have also planned to stay there, seeing as no one mentioned anything about journeying to another continent until ... now.

Nephi goes up to a mountain, and the voice of the Lord commands him to build a ship, one that will take them on a long journey. Nephi's response--and this is heralded by many as an example of incomparable faith, probably because it is--is basically "Alright then!! Where should I get some ore to make tools? I totally got this." His response is endearing, to be sure. In fact, it's so endearing I won't even mention the slight qualms I have about that kind of response to a command. Especially because the commandment was straight from God, unfiltered by culture of generational preferences.

Nephi figures out how to make fire, because up to that point, they had eaten their food raw, which must have gotten old pretty fast. Using the fire, he made tools, and started to work building the ship. Alone. At least, he makes it sound like he did it alone. Which would be incredible under any circumstances (I mean, who held the beam in place while he hammered? How is that even possible?) but especially considering that in 600 BC, being asked to build a ship would have been like being asked to build a SPACESHIP today. Once again, I can understand why Laman and Lemuel were a little cynical about the whole thing.

I know it's a really, really bad sign that I identify so much with Laman and Lemuel so far. However, this next part is really uncool. Nephi (finally!) realizes how difficult it is to fulfill his many responsibilities and starts to get a little depressed. And his brothers, rather than feel bad for the guy, are all like "TOLD YOU SO!" and laugh at him so more. Not OK, guys.

Here is another thing that Laman and Lemuel say that I do not agree with:

21 Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy. (1 Nephi 17:21)

Give me a break, guys. Possessions don't make you happy. Plus, if your dad had been killed by the Jews for preaching against their wickedness, no one would have been happy about that, especially if they killed the rest of his family for good measure. In a way, I am kind of grateful that I have never been rich. Less to lose, nothing to regret losing. You know?

Nephi counters their complaints by talking about Moses, which makes a lot of sense. Big group of people leave the only land they have ever known to wander in the wilderness, being blessed for their good deeds and punished for their bad. Lots of complaining, lack of some basic necessities, eventually arrive at far superior destination. Do you think Nephi meant to compare himself to Moses, or was that just a coincidence? Probably not.

Nephi points out, very progressively, that God cares more about righteousness than heritage. Earlier Laman and Lemuel had argued that the people of Jerusalem were righteous by virtue of the fact that they were all Jews, even though they were, per the scriptures, wicked, idolatrous Jews. Nephi explains that God preserves the righteous and destroys the wicked, just as He did with the Children of Israel in the time of Moses.

Next Nephi brings it all home by accusing his brothers of being so hard-hearted as to be "past feeling." Ouch. He says that they are just like the wicked people of Jerusalem that they escaped from and quick only to sin, never to do good. He laid into to the point where he lost all his physical strength, so it must have been a really long time.

Laman and Lemuel, not surprisingly, are pissed and try to throw Nephi into the ocean. Nephi, however, was so filled with the Spirit that he warned them (presumably in a booming voice like in the Ten Commandments) not to touch him, or they would be smitten. He boldly told them that they should help him build the ship, and that God, who could do anything, could certainly help them out with something that simple.

The brothers cowered for several days, and Nephi and God decide to have a little fun at their expense. Nephi reaches out and shocks them with his finger. The brothers are so shocked (pun absolutely intended) that they try to worship Nephi, who, to his credit, tells them to worship God instead. Well done, kid.

1 Nephi 16, part 2 (verses 6-39)

The last entry I wrote was really long and tangential. Back to chapter 16. Sorry.

So, Nephi and his brothers get married. Ishmael, miraculously, had enough daughters to go around, and presumably they matched the sons of Lehi in righteousness. Some were good-leaning and some were a little more rebellious in nature ... or perhaps all of them were spineless enough to just go along with whatever their husbands did. I mean this was several thousand years ago.

One tiny detail here that I find charming is reproduced below.

7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, took one of the ^adaughters of Ishmael to ^bwife; and also, my brethren took of the ^cdaughters of Ishmael to wife; and also ^dZoram took the eldest daughter of Ishmael to wife.

8 And thus my father had fulfilled all the ^acommandments of the Lord which had been given unto him. And also, I, Nephi, had been blessed of the Lord exceedingly. (1 Nephi 16: 6-7)

Did you catch that? He thought that his marriage was an exceedingly great blessing from God. So cute.

Next, they awaken one morning and find the Liahona. This must have been very exciting, and also very weird. Here are some questions I have about the Liahona that will probably never be answered:

1. Did anyone wonder if the Liahona was bad? Like if it was from Satan, or one of their enemies? If I were a prophet who had been eating death threats for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past few years, I might be a tiny bit suspicious of a magical map ball that appeared outside my tent in the middle of nowhere. But I'm a jerk, as has already been established. Moving on.

2. Did the Liahona have any words or symbols on it besides the ones that appeared from time to time? Like a Ouija Board? If so, what language were they in?

3. Who decided that it should be called a Liahona?

Actually, #3 would probably be pretty easy to answer. I'll get back to you on that one.

After they find the Liahona, they started journeying in the wilderness, and things seem pretty OK for a while. Then, unfortunately, Nephi breaks his bow, which was made of steel. Breaking a steel bow seems like it would be kinda hard to do, doesn't it? Was Nephi really so strong that if he mishandled a piece of steel, it just snapped in his mighty hands? Was he messing around? Showing off? I do believe Nephi was kind of a show-off. Bless his heart. Anyway, they try to hunt without the bow and they don't catch anything, and everyone gets mad and blames Nephi because they're hungry. So many issues with families wandering in the wilderness center around hunger. I learned about that in Sunday School today, when we were studying about the Children of Israel.

Oh! Important detail! At this point, even LEHI had started to complain. It sounds like they had to go without food for more than just a day or two, so honestly, I can understand why even Lehi would get discouraged and cranky from hunger. I mean, I get cranky on Fast Sunday.

Nephi, ever the Boy Scout, builds himself a makeshift bow and arrow and asks his dad to pray about where he should go to hunt food. I think it's significant that he asked his dad to pray about it instead of praying about it himself. That seems to be a nice deference to patriarchal authority. As well as an effective usage of guilt to kick his dad into shape.

Both Lehi and Nephi get more than they bargained for when Lehi consults the Liahona and it scolds him to the point where he starts shaking with fear. In fact, the Liahona scared the crap out of everyone in the entire family. Another question that may never be answered: WHAT DID IT SAY?? Oh I am so curious.

Because of this experience, the family learns that the Liahona only works when they are righteous.

Now that they have been chastened and are recommitted to the cause, Nephi goes up a mountain and slays a bunch of animals for everyone. And there was much rejoicing. And, I know I am so hard on Nephi but I just can't help it sometimes, I imagine he was kinda smug and insufferable about that. You know?

Lastly, Ishmael dies, and everybody is sad again. Especially his kids, who presumably were only partially on board for this journey to begin with. Earlier chapters implied that Ishmael was the real camping enthusiast in the family.

Next, out of nowhere, Laman and Lemuel conspire to kill Lehi and Nephi so they can return to Jerusalem. Which, considering their usual lazy manners, seems kinda dark for them. But before their plan can get past the initial stages, THE LORD speaks to them and scolds them some more. Crisis averted. For now.

It is so strange to me that that story is tacked on the end of this chapter, almost as an afterthought. It seems like a pretty crucial event. One that would deserve further explanation. I wonder if Nephi didn't elaborate much because he preferred to dwell on the positive, perhaps. That would seem pretty in line with his character.

1 Nephi 16, part 1 (verses 1-5)

Here is a summary of the first recorded conversation in the chapter, found in verses one through four.

Nephi: Righteous peoples gets blessed, and the wickeds burn!
Laman: Awwwww man.
Lemuel: That be harsh, brah.
N: But it's TRUE!
L&L: ..........
Nephi: You guys should really be righteous. Really. Seriously. (Presumably, he goes on...)

And then they humble themselves and Nephi writes that he "had joy and great hopes of them, that they would walk in the paths of righteousness." Really? This is going to sound incredibly cynical, but did he SERIOUSLY think that? That it would be that simple, that all he had to do was EXPLAIN to his wicked brothers why being righteous was in the long run a much better deal than being wicked, and they would listen and completely turn their lives around? Maybe this was the first time that they really seemed to get it. Maybe that was the big difference from Nephi's perspective. I just really wish there were some sort of alternative record that was written from Laman and Lemuel's perspective.

I think a major clue to this whole mystery is found within the summary of that conversation, the line that says "the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center." This had never occurred to me until this time around, but THAT is the main reason why you have to convert someone to loving God and wanting him or her to have that desire to please God before you can ask them to make any lifestyle changes, or really any changes at all. If some stranger walked up to me on the street and said, "You may never eat another apple as long as you live, or else you will be punished," I would give him a weird look and move on with my life. However, if someone I loved deeply came up to me and said, "Every time you eat an apple, the voodoo guy down the street stabs this little image of me and it makes my eyeballs bleed." Assuming I believed this person, of course I would stop eating apples, for his or her sake. It's the same thing with righteousness. It's why so many missionaries are so ineffective: you can't convince anyone to obey God using logic, or intellectualism, or anything else but a love for God. Fear of punishment can substitute for the short term, but it never lasts.

It is possible that Nephi saw a glint of what might for a love for him, and a love for God, in their sad little faces when he thought they might be turning their lives around. The notion would be especially tempting if he also thought that perhaps his descendants might be spared all the violence and turmoil that he had just seen in the his vision of the future. Or maybe he was just a really hopeful, positive guy.

There was a missionary I worked with who believed everything everybody told him. If someone promised to quit smoking, he insisted that they were, even if we went to visit and the house was laden with cigarette butts. If someone promised to come to church and was nowhere to be found the next day, he insisted that the tram must have broken down. At the time, I thought he was delusional, and he was at least on some level--he baptized a lot of people who liked him, or were afraid of him (he was an ex-marine or something like that) who had little understanding of the gospel and often fell off the face of the earth weeks after their baptism. However, he met once with an investigator of ours who had been meeting with the missionaries for YEARS, and she said the her short lesson with him was the strongest she had ever felt the Spirit, ever. I remember feeling both jealous and perplexed by that statement, and then oddly gratified when she didn't show up to church the next day even though she had sworn to him she would come.
In an act of legitimate immaturity, I do believe that I went up to poor Elder P. and hissed "I told you so" when she didn't show up. We had been talking about dropping her, and being right somehow felt validating to me. How on earth was being right more satisfying than helping out a nice woman who was thisclose to joining the Church? I am a jerk.

I suppose the really satisfying thing about being cynical is that if you're right, you never got your hopes up to begin with, and if you're wrong, you're pleasantly surprised. But I'm pretty sure that cynicism isn't the way of Jesus. Or Buddha or pretty much any great religious figure, for that matter. Uh oh. I am in so much trouble.

1 Nephi 15

Meanwhile, back at the camp...

Nephi returns from his long and extraordinary vision (I wonder how long the whole thing took? Hours? Days?) and finds his brothers arguing about Lehi's original vision, the same one that Nephi had just reviewed and expanded upon for the last few chapters. What an unbelievable narrative coincidence! His brothers (Laman and Lemuel, presumably) told Nephi that they couldn't understand the symbolism in the dream.

Nephi: Did you, like, ask God?
L & L: Duhhhhh ... No.
Nephi: *rolls eyes*

In all fairness, I can be just as dense sometimes. Also, I think another reason why I'm siding with Laman and Lemuel in my head here is that I REALLY don't like Nephi's tone in these first few verses. Observe:

2 And it came to pass that I beheld my brethren, and they were disputing one with another concerning the things which my father had spoken unto them.

3 For he truly spake many great things unto them, which were hard to be ^aunderstood, save a man should inquire of the Lord; and they being hard in their hearts, therefore they did not look unto the Lord as they ought.

4 And now I, Nephi, was grieved because of the hardness of their hearts, and also, because of the things which I had seen, and knew they must unavoidably come to pass because of the great wickedness of the children of men.

5 And it came to pass that I was overcome because of my afflictions, for I considered that mine ^aafflictions were great above all, because of the ^bdestruction of my people, for I had beheld their fall.

Is it just me, or does he sound a little high and mighty here? Also slightly whiny. Bless his heart. I do like Nephi, but I definitely don't identify with him at all, is all I'm saying.

One sort of confusing/revealing thing that Laman and Lemuel say to Nephi, which is worth mentioning, is when Nephi asks if they have asked God about the meaning of the vision, they say, "No we haven't [asked], because God makes no such thing known unto us." This has several possible meanings. One, that they are extraordinarily dense concerning the standard method of receiving an answer to a question: Step one, ask. Step two, receive answer. Maybe they were dyslexic? Or maybe they realized on some level that God wouldn't answer their questions because of their wickedness? Food for thought. Or perhaps, that they recognized, at least on some level, that their lives weren't quite right with God and they weren't worthy of some of the blessings they had seen.

Next, Nephi gives an abbreviated explanation of the olive tree analogy: that their family is a branch of the house of Israel, and someday after Christ has come, their descendants will realize who they really are and who they need to believe in--that after the gospel is brought to the Gentiles, it will be delivered to the remaining Nephites and Lamanites who have dwindled in unbelief. Hence the being grafted onto the olive tree, because they were a part of the olive tree to begin with. Fact: this would all make a lot more sense if I knew more about landscaping. The olive tree allegory is one of my favorites, partly because of its obvious academe tone, and partly because it shows God's willingness to work with and accept and hand over multiple chances to His children. It's so parental, so awesome.*

Finally, Nephi quotes some Isaiah and does some more convincing, and L&L are prepared to hear the interpretation of the vision. Nephi explains it to them briefly and simply, which was kind of him. However, once he gets to the part about the awful Hell God has in store for the wicked and what happens to those who die in wickedness, Nephi lays on the gritty details. Was this because he had already seen in a vision that his brothers were going to end up wicked? Did he, actually? He knew that they were going to bear seed that would be wicked and destroy his seed, but did he know the outcome of his brothers' lives? I kind of hope not. That would be too awful a secret to have, even if one is a prophet, and it might make him give up. Nephi doesn't give up on them for at least a few more chapters, I reckon.

*Awesome in the traditional sense of the word.