1 Nephi 18

I always laugh a little bit at attempts by LDS artists to paint or sculpt things like the Liahona or Nephi's boat or Moroni's breastplate. I mean, if something is described as being of "curious workmanship," it's probably way different than anything an ordinary mortal could conjure up, right? It doesn't bother me or anything like that, because I like to see all the various interpretations of a single religio-historical* concept, but sometimes I worry that my kids who will be raised in the Church instead of converting when they're older will put too much stock in those shiny, beefy Stripling Warriors and blue-eyed Captain Moroni. And that tiger-print rug? Really?

Anyway, so Laman and Lemuel, temporarily cowed into righteousness, help Nephi finish the boat, and all he says about it is that it is of "curious workmanship." I am excited to die so I can see what it actually looked like, because it was nice enough to impress the notorious cynics into righteousness, even the aforementioned L&L.

They load up the boats with fruit, honey and seeds (which truly sounds like the best diet ever ... jealous) and set sail for the Promised Land. After what sounds to be a few weeks after they begin their journey, Laman, Lemuel, and the sons of Ishmael, who seem to be pretty easily influenced for good or ill, started, and I quote:

to make themselves merry, insomuch that they began to dance, and to sing, and to speak with much ^brudeness, yea, even that they did forget by what power they had been brought thither; yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness. (1 Nephi 18:9)

I should mention that the wives of the previously mentioned bad boys were also partaking in this sinful display of wantonness. Again, I wish I wish I could see what Nephi is talking about, because as you and I both know, there is nothing inherently wrong with dancing and singing. The song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, praise the Lord with music and with dancing, et al. But apparently their dancing and singing was sexual, perhaps, or otherwise rude? It couldn't just be that they were teasing each other or joking around. Nephi was kind of a wet blanket, but he couldn't have been that stiff.

I wish with all my heart that I still had access to the OED via BYU's library system, but I graduated a few months ago, so I don't. However, I noticed that some far inferior but still acceptable dictionaries define "rude" as "natural or unprocessed, as in rude wool or rude sugar" or "crude." Perhaps they were acting in accordance with the natural man, or being really really irreverent? That is the kind of thing that might piss God off.

This is something that I think about a lot. I truly believe that God has a sense of humor. A lot of other Mormons don't seem to. This past weekend when I was visiting my friend's family in Utah, his dad, who is a Seminary teacher and generally upstanding fella, said a prayer over our meal and, when the microwave went off in the middle of it, apologized to God about the noise while the rest of us giggled. I frequently make jokes or sarcastic remarks in my prayers, so maybe I am just trying to justify my way down to Hell. But I really think humor in its time and place makes God's job a little bit easier.

While I was a missionary, I had a pink study journal in which I kept track of all the instances in the scriptures that I had found which proved that God has a sense of humor. Of course, most of them were from the Old Testament. And then, darn it all, I lost that notebook on a bus.

I choose not to view that as some sort of sign.

So anyway, the vast majority of the passengers on the boat start acting bad, and Nephi, of course, tries to warn them of the potential negative consequences of their actions. But naturally, they don't listen, and even pull the whole "Why should we listen to YOU? We're OLDER" card which I imagine they had pulled countless other times as well. They even tied him up and roughed him up a little bit. This is when the Liahona stops working.

As if that weren't enough of a sign, God sends a big monster storm to toss the boat around a bit, and that plus no working compass eventually scares L&L and their cohorts into submission. However, it takes a while. Four days. Nobody ever said bad guys were masters of logic.

Finally, they release their brother from his bands, and his hands and feet are extremely sore and swollen. Nephi feels the need to point out that:

Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did ^apraise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions. (1 Nephi 18:16)

Good for him.

Earlier, I was kind of wondering, so where are the parents in this scenario? Did they even attempt to quell the storms of sibling discord at any point? The answer is yes, using their words, but L&L ignored them to the point that they were sick with worry and practically died. This coupled with Nephi being tied up for four days made the more compassionate boat passengers very sad. Especially Mrs. Nephi, poor child. And his ... children? The timing of this chapter can get confusing sometimes, but apparently Nephi took an occasional break from ship-building to conceive some children. I think it's funny that their mention is so incidental.

Anyway, once Nephi recovers, the Liahona starts working again, Nephi prays the storm into oblivion, and they sail off into the sunset. Then, an indeterminate time period later, during which nothing of consequence happened, apparently, they ARRIVE IN THE PROMISED LAND YAY.

They pitch their tents, plant some seeds, do some mining, take stock of the local game. You know, the usual.

The End

This chapter starts out a lot stronger than it finishes, frankly.

I am counting on God having a sense of humor right now. Enough of one to see that my snarkiness is all in good fun. I love the Book of Mormon.

*Yeah, I know that's not a word. I made it up.